Have You Ever Been Really Scared?

First I need to apologize for taking so long between posts, it has been hard to write anything these last few months for several reasons. Second, I don't know if this post is for anyone except me but I had to write it. Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings and I promise I will try to be more regular again. God bless.

     Have you ever been scared, I mean really scared? Not horror movie scared or thrill ride scared, but afraid to take the next step scared? I feel like I have been living that way for the last 6 months. I know I don't show it, but that is because I am good at hiding things like that. Now, I am not in any danger or anything like that, it is just life situations that have kept me in fear.

     I have learned an interesting lesson through this, faith is a strange thing. I have discovered that faith is easy to have when you don't really need it, but as soon as things get dicey faith becomes really hard to have. These last few months have been fraught with all kinds of challenges for me, chief among them have been finances. I have discovered that financial problems are great for your prayer life. My budget is extremely tight. My expenses basically equal my income and I knew there were some things coming up that were going to cause my expenses to increase. This was when God challenged me to look at my tithing, or lack thereof. Now, I have a degree in math. I know that if 100% of my income barely covers my expenses, there is no way 90% will even come close. God, however, was not impressed with my math and continued to push me to tithe. So I started tithing. Every time I write the check I am scared to death, it is a struggle to put it in the plate, but I have for the last  months.

     I would like to say that money has just poured in and I have no money worries. I would like to say that but I can't. I can say that every bill has been paid, but it hasn't gotten any less scary. This brought to wonder, is it still faith if you are scared while doing it? This is one of the biggest steps of faith I have ever taken. I know it is what God wants me to do and I know that He will see me through everything that arises, but I am still scared. Then I realized that that is what faith really is. Faith is being scared but still taking that next step because you know that God has you by the hand and He won't lead you to destruction.

     So I guess the answer is yes, it is still faith if you are scared. It stops being faith it the fear keeps you from taking the next step. So keep walking even if you are afraid, God will uphold you with His strong right hand.